


P’troulli

by Homohotlii2p



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Card Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-06-06 21:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6770899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homohotlii2p/pseuds/Homohotlii2p
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose thinks it’s time to teach the trolls how to play a game of P’troulli.<br/>Dave highly agrees.<br/>Kanaya hopes to do her best.<br/>Vriska is having the worst luck.<br/>Karkat is about to have a conniption.<br/>Terezi and the Mayor sit back and enjoy the show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**P’troulli**  
__**(pɪ·tru·li)**  
**Another name for the card game Mao.** **There is a rule against explaining or asking about the rules. New players are expected to join a game and deduce the rules of play by observation, trial, and error.  
**__**Also see: The Calvinball of cardgames.**

In the kitchen, Dave is slumped at the table, sipping coffee and (not) enjoying the mishmash of junk that is colloquially called “food” on this desolate speeding chunk of rock. Feeling bored, he goes through a list of things to do.

1\. Bother Karkat? Well, he does that on a daily basis anyway, so that one is just checked off permanently.  
2\. Watch a movie? God, it’s only been a year and he’s already seen enough terrible movies to last him a lifetime. Last night, he and Karkat watched the troll version of Good Luck Chuck, and he could start to feel his brain deliquesce into grey oobleck. So watching a movie is out of the question.  
3\. Read a book? Fuck that noise. The only books in English are the ones that Rose owns, and he would much rather, uh, _not_. The other ones are all in Alternian and even then, the content, from Karkat’s explanation, are pretty much the same trash that Rose reads.  
4\. Write some sick raps? Eh, he could, but he’s not so inspired right now. Dave has Rappers Block, and it’s the worst.  
5\. Help out with Can Town? The Mayor usually appreciates the help, but today, little bud’ is resting because of a big party they threw yesterday, after the success of building the new space station. The party was pretty cray’, so Dave thinks it’s best that he get some rest.  
6\. Question his sexuality- GOD DAMN IT NO THERE IS ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY. THERE IS TOO MUCH AND HE CAN’T BE STRESSING OUT ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.  
7\. Bother Rose? Yeah, that sounds great. Perfect. Better than number six.

After sucking down the rest of his drink, he gets up and shuffles his way down to Rose’s room. He knocks first and waits, and thankfully, she answers this time.

“Ah, good waking, Dave. How are you doing?”

‘Waking’ and ‘Rest’ are what they coined a while ago, since mornings and nights aren’t technically a thing anymore since coming to the meteor, especially since there isn’t a sun for the meteor to spin around, and the trolls don’t typically have mornings and nights anyway.

“Bored, out of my gizity-goddamned mind. What are you up to?”

Rose pats her hands together and smiles. “Well, Kanaya and I just started on a new knitting project. Would you like to come in and help?”

Dave peeks in and sees a ball of yarn on the floor, next to Kanaya who is sitting on the pile of throw-pillows, holding quite a length of string around her hands. Her hands in that position make her look like she’s trying to explain something to someone, but her face is content and when she sees Dave peeking in, she awkwardly tries her best to wave at him, what with her hands almost literally being tied up. He waves back.

“Eh, I’ll pass. Maybe you can recommend me something? Chores, screaming at space, clownsquatch hunting, anything that isn’t reading or watching something because I’m super burnt out on that shit.”

Rose places a knuckle against her lips in thought, then smiles Machiavelli-like. “You know... we haven’t played P’troulli in a while. Why don’t we gather everyone up and teach them how to play?”

Dave's eyebrows fly up in surprise. He hasn’t played that since before SBURB. His smirk reflects the evil in Rose’s, and even though Kanaya can’t see their faces from where she’s sitting, she's getting an overall bad feeling about what's to come.

*******

In the common room, Dave and Rose are clearing one of the long tables off, while Kanaya stands off to the side, watching.

“So, what is... what did you call it?” Her voice is soft and curious. The way they were clearing everything off of the table put images in her head of trying to balance things on top of each other in dangerous manners, like a circus act of sorts. Was that what this game was?

“P’troulli, it’s a card game.” Dave answers.

“Oh.” Well that certainly sounds better than what she had in mind. “How do you play?”

Rose gives that same smile to Dave, and she answers this time. “We will explain once everyone is here.”

After an announcement over the intercom, the first to arrive are Vriska and Terezi, whispering something back and forth to each other and giggling. The two sit next to each other and Vriska looks around.

“So what’s up?”

Kanaya, who is sitting right across from her, picks at her nails nervously.

“Apparently, Dave and Rose have a card game they want us to play.”

“Ooh, is it that one game? Uno?” Terezi grins, remembering all the flavors of the cards.

“No, I believe they called it P’troulli.”

“Never heard of it. What are the rules?”

Kanaya only shrugs at Vriska’s question.

The next one to come in is Karkat.

“…What the hell is this?”

“Hey Karkat!” Terezi waves her hand to beckon him over. “We’re playing P’troulli! Sit with us!”

Karkat takes the seat next to Kanaya and across from Terezi. “Puhtrooly? The fuck is that?”

“I don't know. Kanaya says it’s a card game. We don’t know the rules yet.”

“Well if it’s going to end up anything like ‘Uno’ with slobber all over the cards, I’m out.”

Vriska looks around the room. “Hey, where are those two?”

“Off alchemizing some new playing cards.” Kanaya answers. She’s the one who knows the most about what’s going on, which puts her a little at ease. If she doesn’t know anything about how it's played, then at least she knows this much.

The last to come in is the Mayor, who is rubbing his eyes. He's just woken up from a nap, and is wondering what exactly is going on. Because his hands can only reach so high when he’s sitting on a chair, he sits on top of the table, between Terezi and Karkat. Dave had alchemized a booster seat for him, but the Mayor usually either sits on the table or stands on the chair anyway, so the booster seat now resides in Can Town as roof for one of the buildings.

Everyone in the room says hi to him, and he waves back with one hand, covering a yawn with the other. Everyone chatters about whatever comes to mind until Rose walks in with Dave tailing behind. Rose sits on Kanaya’s other side, while Dave sits across from her, next to Vriska. Starting clockwise, it’s Rose, Dave, Vriska, Terezi, Mayor, Karkat, and Kanaya.

The only ones missing are Aradia, Sollux, and Gamzee. The former two had their own reasons for being away, while Gamzee had none.

“Where’s Gamzee?” Rose inquires.

Vriska and Terezi give each other a look and chuckle. “We don’t know.” They lilt, obviously knowing. Vriska had been making it her life’s goal to make Gamzee her errand boy, and whatever it was, it was something as awful as Vriska could come up with. Rose rolls her eyes and Dave slightly grimaces, both knowing.

“Alright, so what is it this game exactly? Like I said, if it’s anything like Uno, I’m not playing.” Karkat crosses his arms and huffs.

“Yeah, don't even worry, dude.” Dave assures, “This game is kinda like Uno, except…okay, yeah, it's nothing like Uno."

“This is P’troulli." Rose begins explaining. "It is forbidden to talk about the rules. You all have to observe carefully, and go through trial and error to figure them out.”

“That sounds incredibly asinine.” Karkat grumbles, and Rose holds up a finger, unfinished with her explanation.

“The only rule I can tell you is this: if you win a round, you get to add a new, unspoken rule.”

This perks everyones ears. The objective to start and keep playing was a good one.

"Basically it's a game the devil himself gave birth to, shit on, then bestowed upon us as both the best and the worst game ever."

“Although,” Rose adds, pointedly ignoring Dave's description, “I don’t know how Mayor is going to be able to play...since most rules involve speaking.”

Rose and Dave hadn’t expected the Mayor to come along, since he'd been resting. The only games they could play with him were either physical ones like Tag, or ones where he could nod or shake his head like Twenty Questions, since he never spoke. The Mayor twiddles his thumbs and shrugs.

Terezi gives him a smile. “Would you like me to sit with you and just watch?”

“You don’t want to play?” Kanaya asks, to which Terezi also shrugs.

“Eh, I’d like to, but I don’t want the Mayor to feel left out.”

The Dersite waves his hands in a manner that implied, _oh, you don’t have to for my sake._

“It’s okay! I don’t really feel like playing cards anyways.”

“Are you sure? We made the cards so that you only have to lick the corners.” Dave says, only to have Terezi fling her hand at him, before she tells the Mayor to scoot over so that she can sit next to him on the table. She’s already made up her mind it seems.

“Alright, looks like we’re playing with five people then.” Rose scoots her chair so that she’s at the head of the table instead of being across from Dave. Kanaya and Karkat scoot their chairs respectively, so that now the seating arrangement is even. Rose starts by dealing out cards, until there's seven for each. Everyone besides Rose and Dave pick theirs up.

Karkat has a confused look on his face.

“Why are there quadrant symbols on these cards?"

“I believe that the symbols, in earth terms, were different suits for cards, if I’m correct?”

Rose nods. Karkat sighs, shaking his head, and before anyone can say anything else, Rose gives everyone besides herself and Dave another card. “Carded for touching your cards.”

The three trolls look up, bewildered.

“What??”

“I... don’t understand.”

“Did you just penalty us?”

Rose’s smile turns wicked.

“First mistake of P’troulli.”

Vriska picks up on the rule first and puts her cards down immediately. Kanaya follows suit, but Karkat still holds his, not noticing what the other two had done. Rose gives him another card.

“Carded for still touching your cards.”

Karkat flops his hands against the table, exasperated. “Excuse me!? You’re touching cards too!”

“Not _my_ cards.”

He looks to everyone else, who are in fact, not touching their cards. He sighs and puts his cards down. “Fine, I’m not touching my cards. Happy?”

Rose sits, done with her penalty cards. For now. She takes the rest of the deck, places it in the middle, and flips one card over, which is an ace of diamonds.

“The official game of P’troulli starts to the dealers left.”

Rose and Dave pick up their cards finally, and the rest follow. Dave is at her left, but does not play. Everyone is waiting for almost thirty seconds before Dave takes a card from the middle and slaps it in front of Vriska.

“Carded for taking too long to play your turn.”

“Wait!” Vriska shoves it back to Dave. “It’s your turn, asshole, you’re to her left!”

Dave shoves the card right back. “Wanna take a look at the card on the table and learn how to play the game?”

She grumbles and takes the card into her hand. In her head, she deducts that aces or diamonds holds a skipping rule. She plays a four of hearts. The card is picked up by Dave and slapped in front of her, and another card gets slapped on top as well.

“What did I do now???”

“Playing the wrong card.”

“What the fuck!”

“Look at the card.”

“I. _AM_. Looking at the card!”

After a moment, she places her nine of diamonds. After nothing happens, Vriska relaxes.  
Karkat eyes everyone, realizes it’s his turn, and places a king of diamonds warily. Nothing happens, and he relaxes as well. He is safe from carding.

Kanaya is just as wary though, looking to everyone, then slowly puts a king of clubs down. She is also safe. So it seems like it _did_ play like Uno, with suits on suits and values on values.

Rose plays the queen of clubs. Dave, lays down his card and says, “Queen of spades.”

Vriska puts down a ten of spades and gets carded by Dave again.

“Carded for not naming your spade.”

She groans. “Ugh! Is the rule ‘penalty Vriska every time it’s her turn’?”

Dave gives her another card. “Carded for asking about the rules! And no that’s not it.”

Rose giggles and Vriska grumbles. Terezi frowns, seeing her moirail in such distress. However, she lightens up seeing Karkat fume after getting carded for playing a two of spades.

“Carded! For not! Naming! Your spade! Get! The rules son!”

“Urgh, this game is stupid!” Karkat slams his cards down and stands up, ready to leave.

“Oh come on Karkat! Don’t go.”

“Oh no, I’m going! This game is apparently about making rules up on the spot!”

“It’s not! The rules in-- _point of order_.” He puts his cards down, as does Rose. Vriska and Kanaya pick up on the movement and put theirs down.

“The rules in the first round weren’t made by us, they come with the game. Believe me, I got pissed about this game too, the first time I played. How can I convince you to stay?”

Karkat hesitates for a moment, then says, “You have to sit and listen to me-- _actually listen to me_ \--while I teach you about the quadrants.”

Dave internally screams. He doesn’t want to know anything about their freaky fuck-marry-kill relationship system, but he wants Karkat to keep playing as well. He presses his lips together and huffs.

“Alright fine. I’ll listen to your weird love quadrangles or whatever, if that's what it takes to get your ass back in that seat.”

Karkat sits back down, mildly pleased with himself. When Dave says “End _point of order_ ,” he and Rose pick up their cards, then the other three do as well. Kanaya puts an ace of spades down and says, “Ace of Spades”. So far, Kanaya’s been lucky, being the last in turn order, able to observe the rules being played. However, Rose takes the ace and a card from the pile, and gives them to Kanaya.

“Carded for going out of turn.”

She looks to Rose, as if betrayed. But there was no one to blame but herself. She accepts the cards and waits. Everyone waits.

...

Dave picks up a card and hands it to Vriska.

“WHAT!!” Both of her hands are now balled into fists.  
“For taking too long to play your turn.”

Her face goes into her hands and she yells, then takes her jack of spades and slams it on the pile. After a moment, Dave reaches for a card from the undrawn pile, but then Vriska turns to him, suddenly remembering the spades rule.

“JACK OF SPADES!”

Terezi scoots up to her and begins stroking her hair, and Vriska leans into the touch, but still glares at Dave, who’s only smirking as he plays a five of spades and names it.

Rose places a card. “Six of spades.”

“A-Ace of spades...”

“Four of spades.”

This time, Vriska picks up a card, stands, and slams it in front of Karkat. “Carded for going out of turn!!”

She hopes it‘s aces that‘s the skipping rule. The two look to Rose, who smiles and looks back at her cards. Vriska 1! Karkat 0!

“God damn it!” He takes the card as Vriska puts her own onto the pile, triumphant.

“Seven of spades!”

Dave waits.

“What.”  
He keeps waiting, and smiles.

“... God. Damn it. Just do it already. Card me!” She flops back into her chair, while Terezi pats her head again, shooshing this time.

Finally, he slides her a card. “Carded for not telling your neighbor to have a nice day.”

“... This rule has to be. The _stupidest_ one.” She picks her cards up, then sneers at him with a nasally voice. “ _Have a nice day. Asshole._ ”

“Thank you very much.” He picks up another card, and everyone freezes, as Vriska looks like she’s about to blow, but he just puts the card into his hand and says, “Pass.”

Vriska squeezes her eyes and sighs, focusing on her moirail pacifying her. Rose takes her turn.

“Eight of spades.”

“Eight of diamonds.”

Kanaya gets carded for slipping up and naming a diamond. She sighs, shaking her head, but glad that her card stays on the pile.

Karkat puts a seven of diamonds onto the pile and speaks slowly. “... H... Have a... nice day?”

Nothing happens and he sighs in relief.

Vriska ganders at her cards and can hear Rose clear her voice once. Twice. Three times. Sold! Vriska is the owner of a... braaaaaand new card!!

“Carded for not thanking Karkat.”

She gawks at the seven that Karkat had played, and remembers that after the ‘have a nice day rule’, Dave had said thank you. She groans, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, then looks to Karkat, who might have a facetious grin threatening to tug at his lips.

“... Thank. You. Very. Much.” She hisses, and Terezi scoots closer, now petting the back of her head instead of the side. She picks up a card and can’t play. “Pass.” Dave takes his turn, smiling at Karkat, who is beaming from the indirect revenge. He plays a five of diamonds.

Rose picks up a card and passes. Kanaya slowly puts down a four of diamonds. Karkat puts down a two of diamonds and quickly looks to Kanaya, without saying anything, and she looks back, confused. She looks to the two of diamonds on the pile, which is piling high at this point, and after a moment, gasps with realization and quickly shuffles through her hand, putting a six of diamonds on the pile. Rose smiles with approval and Kanaya smiles back, feeling a sense of achievement. Rose places a two of hearts, and smiles to herself when no one catches her.

Queen of hearts. Three of hearts. Karkat places a card and mumbles, “Three of spades.” Kanaya picks up a card and is about to put it in her hand, but jumps and places it on the pile. “Nine of spades!”

Dave looks up, surprised. It’s the first time since he’s known her that she raised her voice. His look makes Kanaya nervous, so she slowly recedes the card, but Dave interjects, “Nononono, you’re right.”

She smiles again, relieved, and sits back down.

“King of spades.” Rose says, taking her turn.

Dave takes the last card, keeps it, and says, “Point of order.”

Everyone drops their cards, as Dave takes the pile, puts Rose’s king of spades down, shuffles the pile, and sets it face down next to the king, saying, “End point of order, pass,” and he and everyone picks up their cards. He smiles at the fact that everyone is quickly learning the rules.

On Vriska’s turn, she places a king of hearts.

Karkat picks up a card and keeps it. “Pass.”

Kanaya plays an ace of hearts. Dave plays a five of hearts. Vriska’s four of hearts.

Karkat mumbles again. “Four of spades.”

“Four o-” Kanaya stops herself, before lying down a four of clubs.

Rose takes a card and passes. Dave’s six of clubs. Vriska’s two of clubs. Karkat’s nine of clubs makes Vriska slam that card, and a card from the pile in front of him.

“Out of turn!” She smiles a fanged smile at him and he glares up at her, then to Dave, whose shrug says ‘she’s right, dude’, as he plucks a card from the pile and lays a king of clubs down.

Rose takes a card and passes. Kanaya’s five of clubs. Karkat’s ace of clubs. Vriska’s three of clubs, which is spat back at her by Karkat, who also spits a new card at her.

“OUT! OF! TURN!” Revenge for Karkat again! Vriska whips her head to Dave, who does the same motion he did at Karkat last time, before taking a card and passing.

Rose takes a card and passes. Kanaya takes a card and places a queen of clubs. Karkat’s nine of clubs. Vriska’s three of clubs. Dave takes a card and passes. Rose takes a card and passes. Kanaya takes a card and places a three of hearts. Terezi yawns, which is caught by the Mayor and yawns in turn. This is getting a little boring.

Karkat’s queen of diamonds. Kanaya’s six of diamonds, but she gets carded for being down to her last card without saying “last card”.

Rose takes a card and places the five of diamonds. Dave’s Jack of diamonds. Vriska’s Jack of hearts. Karkat takes a card and passes.

Kanaya puts down a nine of hearts and says, “Last card.”

Rose smiles and places a ten of hearts.

Dave’s ten of diamonds. Vriska’s ten of clubs. Karkat’s seven of clubs, and he gets carded for not wishing his neighbor a nice day. He looks to Kanaya, mumbling, “Have a nice day..."

“Thank you very much!” Kanaya smiles and picks up a card, and places the seven of diamonds on the pile. “Have a nice day, last card.”

Rose hands her a card for not thanking her _enough_ , and Kanaya pouts. She thought she got it last time!

As Rose puts a seven of hearts down, she turns to Dave and says, “Have a very, very nice day.” And before Dave can do anything, a card is slapped in front of Rose... from Kanaya!!

“... For not thanking me.”

Oh. OH. THE SMACKDOWN IS REAL. **THE CARD PILE DOES NOT STOP FROM GETTING TALLER.**

Rose looks to Kanaya with raised brows.

“... Thank you, very, very much.”

Dave rolls his eyes at the two of them and plants a six of hearts onto the pile, stating his last card.

Vriska picks up a card and passes. Karkat picks up a card and passes. Kanaya places her queen of hearts and says, “last card.”

Rose places her eight of hearts. Dave picks up a card and passes. Vriska places an eight of clubs. Both Karkat and Kanaya take cards and pass.

“Point of order.” Comes from Rose, and everyone drops their cards.

Eight off to the side, cards shuffled and placed down.

“End point of order.” And the cards go back up.

Rose picks up a card and places the two of clubs. Kanaya places the two of hearts. “Last card."

Rose picks up a card and places the two of diamonds! Kanaya places her king of diamonds!!

...

“... P’troulli?” Kanaya guesses hesitantly, looking to Rose with wide eyes and hands held close to herself, preparing herself to get carded.

And apparently, Kanaya guesses right, because Rose is giving her an applause. “Great job, you won!”

Dave smirks. “Holy shit, how did you know to say that?”

Kanaya just smiles. “Uh- well, the game is kind of like Uno, with the colours and numbers, and the reversing and skipping...so I assumed you had to say the name of the game in the end.”

Vriska slams her last three cards onto the table and leans back. “I was so close! New round!”

Rose pats Kanaya on the shoulder and looks to Vriska. “Well, we have to play a new round anyway. Kanaya won, she gets to make a new rule.”

Everyone looks to Kanaya, who looks at the table in thought.

After a moment, she smiles something wicked.


	2. Chapter 2

Once Kanaya starts dealing the cards, the Mayor scoots out of Terezi’s lap and off of the table.

“You alright, Mayor?” Dave asks, as the Carapacian yawns some more. “Ah, still tired? You get back to Beddy-Bye Land then. Go to that dream-time varsity basketball game, root on the Cantown Carapacians, down with the Beddy-Bye Buggies, you dream about that first-place cup, dude.”

The dersite cocked his head sleepily, nods, and walks out of the room. Terezi then scoots closer and crooks a smile. “Deal me in.”

“Finally interested in suffering with us?” Vriska looking up at her, still slightly bitter over her loss.  
Karkat looks to the both of them, an eyebrow raised. “How are you going to see the cards we put down?”  
“Look, she’ll lay down so that her head’s in the middle of the table, and we’ll let her lick the card, then put it on the pile.” Dave cracks. This makes Terezi laugh and Karkat roll his eyes.  
“Alright, but seriously, how is Terezi going to know what cards we place?”  
“Well, Dave can give this cards to me. I’ll take a closer ‘look’, then put them in the pile!”  
“Hmmm. What if you get carded?”  
“Well, you kind of have to announce the reason for a carding. If no one says anything, Terezi can safely put the card on the pile. If we say something, she keeps it. Simple as that.” Dave leans back, folding his fingers and placing them on his head.

“Well, if Terezi’s playing, we’ll need another deck.” Rose gets up, but Karkat waves his hand at her.  
“I need a quick break anyway, so I’ll go alchemize the new deck while I’m out.”  
“Aye, me too, I’ll come with.” Dave pipes, as the nubby-horned troll shrugs and allows it.

Once they’re both out, Vriska stands and hurriedly walks around the table, sitting in Karkat’s seat, snickering with Terezi. Rose and Kanaya share a look of annoyance at their typical shenanigans.

When the boys come back, a box of snacks in Dave’s arms, and a pack of cards in Karkat’s hands, they pause, seeing a seat had been stolen.

“The fuck?” Karkats lower eyelids twitched up. “That’s my seat.”  
“New sitting arrangement.” Vriska smirks.  
He doesn’t protest, and instead, rolls his eyes. “Fine, I didn’t want to sit across from you anyways.” He says as he takes Dave’s old seat and hands Kanaya the new deck.  
“Cool, I get to sit next to Terezi.” He spills all of the snacks onto the table and sits in Vriska’s old seat. The teal and cerulean bloods snatch at the gummies and chips and begin to devour, while the Rose and Kanaya look away from the snack carnage in slight disgust.

“Are we ready?” Kanaya looks up to everyone from her place, and everyone returns their own positive signals. Soon, once the cards have been all passed out, Kanaya places the combined decks in the middle of the table.  
“The... official game of P’troulii starts to the dealers... left?”  
Rose nods and Kanaya smiles. She flips the top card over and reveals the six of clubs. Rose already needs to take a card and passe. After quickly organizing his cards, Karkat also picks up a card and lies down a two of clubs. It goes back to Rose, and she places a two of diamonds. Before Dave can move, Kanaya cards Rose.  
“Carded for not moving your arms.”  
Rose tilts her head in confusion, then raises her elbows off the table and keeps them hung in the air.  
“... I’ll accept that.”

Vriska clicks her tongue, but stops herself before saying anything.  _Suit change? Really?_  She thinks, instantly catching on to Kanaya’s easy new rule.

Karkat lies down his four of diamonds.  
Dave gives Terezi his Jack of diamonds, as she waits and listens, then licks the card and places it on the pile. She takes a moment and licks the corners of each card, then puts down a three of diamonds.

Vriska’s King of diamonds is placed down on top of the pile.  
Kanaya’s nine of diamonds.  
Rose’s queen of diamonds.  
Karkat passes.  
“Queen of spades.” Dave announces, handing his card to Terezi, then to the pile. Vriska places her hand on Terezi’s knee, distracting her for a few seconds before taking a card from the undrawn pile and proudly carding Dave.  
“Carded for not moving your arms!”

Dave looks up at Vriska, then to Kanaya who approves of the carding. He then folds his arms and flaps them for a second, then places them back down on the table. Kanaya gives him another card.  
“Carded for not keeping your arms in position.”  
His eyebrows twitch, then he continues to flap them.  
“Point of Order.” The Jade-Blood pipes. Suddenly, everyone’s cards are down. “Am I allowed to tell him what exactly he’s doing wrong?”  
Dave says yes, while Rose says no. Kanaya awkwardly looks between the two while the ecto-siblings shoot looks at each other. The female human then looks to Kanaya and tells her, “Don’t tell him everything, keep it vague.”  
“Vague?”  
“Yes.”  
Kanaya purses her lips and hums in thought.  
“You don’t need to keep your arms moving.” She then looks to her girlfriend, who nods.  
“Okay then, end Point of Order.”  
Cards are picked back up, and Dave holds his elbows up, much like Rose’s current position.

Terezi places a Queen of hearts, then holds her arms close to herself, while Vriska’s four of hearts goes on top, and Kanaya picks up a card and passes.  
Rose puts down an Ace of hearts, and Karkat twitches, then hesitates, and relaxes and waits for Dave, who gives Terezi his two of hearts. She puts that down, along with her three of hearts, which is returned to her with an extra card by Dave.  
“Carded for playing out of turn.”  
She huffs and accepts it, while Karkat puts his six of hearts down on the pile, before Rose places her ten of hearts. Kanaya takes another card and passes again.

Vriska hands Terezi her five of hearts, who places it down and puts down her King of hearts.  
Dave takes a card and passes.  
Karkat’s seven of hearts, and Rose waits before carding the troll.  
“For not wishing your neighbor a nice day.”  
Karkat groans. “Okay, can I say this is my least favourite rule?”  
“I don’t know. Can you?” She smiles at him, which is returned with a glare and a deadpan voice.  
“Have a nice day.”  
“Thank you very much, Karkat.” Rose chirps before putting down a nine of hearts.  
Kanaya takes a card and passes for the third time, sighing. She would have thought maybe she would have some luck this time. It must be her luck running out... hey, wait a second!

“Point of Order!” She and everyone puts their cards back on the table. Kanaya folds her fingers and looks to Rose.  
“I’m fairly certain no one is allowed to use their God Tier powers, am I right?” She then squints at Vriska, who furrows her brows and presses the pads of her fingers into her chest, breathing a shocked gasp.  
“Kanaya Maryam! I’m so offended you would think that I... would take advantage of my Theif of Light powers, when there are three people here who don’t have that sort of privilege!”  
Everyone takes a slow look at the spider-troll, knowing she wasn’t above doing what she just suggested. Even Terezi smirked.  
“‘Offended’? ‘Privilege’? God, are you Kankri’s new best friend or what?” Karkat accuses, which gains him a fist bump from Dave for the sweet burn.  
Vriska shivers in disgust. She’d bumped into Kankri in the bubbles once, and she promised herself never again would she subject herself to that kind of torture.  
“Vriska? Have you been using your powers to leverage your luck?” Rose presses.  
Vriska crosses her arms and drawls slyly. “... The thought might have crossed my mind.”  
She gets a card for using her God Tier powers and Terezi snickers, and all of the teen gods then promise to not use their powers for P’troulli. Kanaya ends the Point of Order and everyone scoops their cards once more.

Vriska sighs and gives Terezi her Jack of hearts.  
Terezi places that card, then takes one from the deck, passing. Dave also takes a card, but throws the three of hearts down.  
Karkat’s eight of hearts.  
Rose passes.  
Kanaya takes a card and puts down a seven of hearts. “Have a nice day!” She smiles facetiously at Vriska, who plucks a card from the deck and keeps it. “Thank you,” she says flatly, “very much. Pass.”  
Terezi pats Vriska on the shoulder. “What’s the card?”  
“Seven of hearts.”  
Terezi smiles and puts down her seven of diamonds. “Have a nice day, Dave!” She declares, then moves her elbows out to the sides.  
“Thank you very much, however...” he cards her, “not enough ‘very’s.”  
Terezi’s mouth twists into a question mark. She had remembered the Seven-Rule, she thought she had it down...  
Dave throws in a seven of clubs and puts his elbows back onto the table.  
“Have a very, very nice day.”  
“Thank you very much.” Karkat grumbles, then places a King of clubs down. Rose then cards him.  
“Not enough very’s.”  
“Godddddd, fuck this!” He then turns to Dave. “Thank you very, VERY much.” The humans only smirk at Karkat’s growing annoyance.  
Rose takes a card and passes, as Kanaya sighs in relief, finally able to put down her Queen of clubs.  
Terezi is handed Vriska’s Jack of clubs, and she puts that and her five of clubs with it.  
Dave puts in his eight of clubs.  
“Eight of spades.” Karkat mumbles, scooting his elbows forward.  
“Jack of spades.”  
“Ace of spades.”  
There is a moment of silence before Vriska nudges her moirails knee.  
“Oh. Uh... two of spades.”  
Vriska smiles, knowing she’d pull through for her.  
“Another two of spades!” Vriska chirps, flashing a blue-lipped grin.  
“Nine of spades!” Terezi matches Vriska’s grin.  
Dave goes next. “Five of spades.”  
“Ace of spades.”  
Rose allows Kanaya to go.  
“Six of spades.”  
“Queen of spades.”  
“Nine of spades, last card.” Terezi smirks again, and gains a low five from Vriska.  
Dave puts down his nine of clubs down, spreading his elbows apart.  
Karkat picks up a card from the deck and places a nine of diamonds, before placing a hand over his wrist.  
Rose lies down a five of diamonds.  
Kanaya’s Ace of diamonds.  
Terezi begins to giggle madly before slamming her King of diamonds and yells, “P’troulli!”

“Hey, beginner’s luck.” Dave congratulates her.  
“Yesssss! And I have the.  _PERFECT_. Rule in mind!”

\--

Most of the girls have gone on a break, leaving Karkat, Dave, and Terezi to wait on them. Once all of the cards have been passed (messily) out, Terezi takes Vriska’s seat. This gave the boys an opportunity to also take new seats: Dave in Rose’s at the head of the table, and Karkat in Terezi’s old spot on top of the table, across from Dave.

“When we’re done with this, remind me to look through some of my movies, so that I can show you some examples of how each quadrant works.”  
“Ah shit,” Dave sifts his fingers through his hair, “I already forgot about that. Listen, I got a hot date with destiny tonight, and the next ten nights as well. I can’t stand her up, man. The last time I stood destiny up, she gave me the cold shoulder for a month.”  
“Bull-fucking-shit, Strider, you promised!”  
“Don’t get me wrong dude. A night where I have to sit through the Good Old Fashioned School of Quadrants for forty years sounds pretty fucking fetch, but I also feel like I’d be two-timing destiny. I’ve had a crush on her since I was five, I can’t screw this up.”  
“Okay, I highly doubt that there is someone named ‘Destiny’ that actually exists on this meteor, much less wants to go on a date with a bark-beast humping douche-purse like you for ten nights straight.”  
“Haha, jealous-much?” Dave waggles his eyebrows and grins, licking the upper row of his teeth.  
Karkat’s cheeks flush a dark grey. “You better fucking stop it with the gross wiggling of the eyebrows, or I’ll crawl over this table and stop them for you.”  
Terezi groans and slumps in her chair. “What. Am I listening to...? God, if you two are gonna hate-flirt, go find another room to do it in, ‘cause it’s so licorice-ly black, I’m getting cavities.”  
She laughs, because she can smell Karkat’s blush deepening, and Dave becomes oddly quiet, finally.

Before Karkat can protest, Kanaya, Rose, and Vriska all walk back in together.

“What are we gigglin’ about?” Vriska barely ends her sentence before Karkat yells.  
“Nothing! Let’s just play this stupid game!” Without thinking, he picks up the cards he was dealt, then gets carded by Terezi for touching his cards before the game started. Vriska laughs and sits herself next to Dave, grabbing another bag from the snack-pile. Kanaya and Rose, who had their hands folded together, shrug and part, while Rose takes Kanaya’s old seat, and Kanaya takes her place between Vriska and Karkat. Everyone’s been switching seats so far, so why not?

“Are we ready, everybody?” Terezi inquires the group, hearing a chorus of ‘yes’es. “Alright! The official game of P’troulli starts to the dealer’s left!” She steals the top card, licks it, and slaps it on the table. “Two of aces!”  
Rose almost moves in to place a card, but retreats. Seeing that, Karkat remember’s the two-rule and looks through his hand, sighs, and takes a card. “Pass.”  
Kanaya also needs a card from the deck, but plays it immediately. “Ace of spades.”  
Dave puts down his Ace of clubs, and Rose waits before carding Dave for not moving his arms. Kanaya looks up.  
“Wait, rules carry over new rounds?”  
Rose hands the Rainbow Drinker a card. “Carded for asking questions about the rules.”  
Kanaya takes it, and assumes that the answer was ‘yes’.  
Rose taps Terezi’s shoulder. “It’s an Ace of clubs. Go.”  
“Oh! Thank you!” She smiles, lying down her six of clubs.  
Next is Karkat’s three of clubs.  
Then Kanaya’s Ace of clubs...  
Dave’s ten of clubs...  
Rose’s Jack of clubs...  
Terezi’s Jack of diamonds, along with lowering her arms onto the table, hiding her hand.  
Karkat’s nine of diamonds.  
Kanaya’s eight of diamonds.  
Vriska’s six of diamonds.  
Dave’s three of diamonds.  
Rose hands Terezi her eight of diamonds.

Terezi smiles wickedly and lies down a King of diamonds.

“Hey Karkat!” She calls.  
“What?”  
“...”  
“... _What?_ ”  
All Terezi does is card Karkat. “Carded for taking too long to play your turn.”  
“What?? You--! POINT OF ORDER!”  
Everyone sets down their cards, and both Terezi and Vriska begin giggling together. Karkat points his finger to last round’s winner.  
“You’re a dirty cheat! That was such a cheap shot!”  
Rose can’t help but smile. “Yes, that was pretty cheap. Make sure not to do that again.”  
After her giggling dies down, Terezi looks to Rose. “Oh. Believe me. You don’t have to worry about any cheap shots.” She ends her case with a wink.  
“Better not. End Point of Order.” He grumbles, snatching his cards and lying down a four of diamonds down.  
Kanaya places a four of clubs down, then holds her hands close to her chest.  
Then Vriska’s eight of clubs.  
And Dave’s three of clubs.  
Rose hands her King of clubs to Terezi, who lies it down, waits, then cards Rose.

“Carded for not saying ‘Hey Karkat’.”

Ugly snickers begin leaking out of the Scourge Sisters, as Karkat goes into a flustered, building rage. Dave can almost see the steam billowing out of his ears, shit is so god damned priceless.  
“You-- I-- n-no! That is so-- you are...!!!”  
“Terezi, play your turn before Karkat explodes!” Vriska calls to her moirail, who pulls a card from the deck and slams the other King of clubs on the pile, snickering some more. “H-hey Karkat!” It’s getting harder for her to not bust out into a full-gut laughter.  
“When I win, I’m going to make a rule to make your life a living hell!” Karkat smacks a nine of clubs on top of the pile, then lifts his arms back into the position he picked before.  
Kanaya sighs, annoyed by the yelling and shrill chuckling. She just wants to play a nice game.  
“Have a nice day.” She adds after lying her seven of clubs down.  
“Thank you very much. Have a very nice day.” Vriska passes on to Dave after setting her seven of hearts down, proud that she remembers the Seven-Rule, finally. She then crosses her arms, also remembering the Suit Change-Rule.  
Dave then adds the other seven of hearts. “Thank you very, very much. Have a very, very nice day.  
Rose smiles and hands her card to Terezi. “Seven of spades. Thank you very, very, very much. Have a very, very, very nice day.”  
“Thank you very, very, very, very much! Five of spades.”  
Karkat thanks the void that  _that_ chain ended. He takes a card and lands it on the pile. “Two of spades.”  
Terezi then changes the suit by placing a two of hearts, and spreads her elbows on the table.  
It goes back to Karkat, who lies down his three of hearts.  
Kanaya has a King of hearts, but doesn’t want to test fate, so she lies down her nine of hearts instead.  
Vriska lies down her eight of hearts, as Dave draws a card and passes.  
Rose gives her fellow Seer her four of hearts, as said Seer puts down her two of hearts, declaring it was her last card.  
Rose places her five of hearts and also claims, “Last card.”  
Dave changes his arms and the suit. “Five of spades.”  
“Hey Karkat, King of spades!” Vriska smiles, and the boy growls, which makes her smile widen.  
Kanaya sets her hands back down away from her chest, then places a King of hearts. “Hey Karkat. (Sorry!)” She whispers. She had only two cards left, so she didn’t want to get carded.

Vantas freezes, not because his friend would betray him like that (although he is a little miffed), but it’s the only heart-suited card in his hand that makes him cringe inside. He hesitates and hides his face behind his cards, grumbling. Terezi clears her throat as a warning sign. He then slips his card to Terezi and mumbles something unintelligible.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you!” Terezi cocks her head, her ear aimed towards the boy.  
“... h-- k--k--...”  
“Uhhhh, a little louder, for the people in the back.”  
He glares at her, then hisses through his bared teeth.  
“Hey. Kar. Kat.”  
Terezi bares her own in victory, as she lies down his King of hearts, then her own five of hearts, a shrill squeal and a peal of giggles pulling from her chest.  
“P’troulli!!!” Her arms fly towards the skies for her second win, as Vriska finally releases the guffaws that had built up inside of her, which makes the Teal-Blood bust out laughing as well.

“GOD DAMN IT!" Karkat bats the piles of cards off the table, swings his legs off of the side, lands on his feet, and storms out, announcing how “done” he was.

Dave scrapes his chair away from the table, hiding a smirk behind his closed hand.  
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna head out too. See ya.” He ducks away and chases the other boy.

Rose stands, smiling. “I’m done for the time being as well. Dear?” She looks to Kanaya, who also stands, nodding in agreement.

Terezi and Vriska’s laughter has died down, being left a mess of tears and sore abdomens. Vriska huffs. “Oh, oh man! We gotta play that again sometime!”

“That’s great,” Rose stiffles a giggle, “but I think we should leave Karkat to cool off for a while. In the mean time, how does Clue sound for next game night?”

Terezi’s needle-point teeth are once more shaped by wildly grinning lips.  
“That sounds like fun~!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this conclusion took so long! I actually finished the chapter a long time ago, but I've been so busy with work and handling my ADHD and the thing with not having a beta reader anymore, so finally, I just said "fuck it" and decided to throw caution to the wind and post the chapter, since there was a bit of positive demand for it.
> 
> Hope this will satisfy y'all! Happy Halloween! :3

**Author's Note:**

> Ah~ my first fic. Ever. After writing for ten years, I've finally completed and uploaded something!  
> Thanks to [Madamelady](http://madamelady.tumblr.com/) for Beta-ing!
> 
> Summer is starting, and thinking of summer puts me in the mood for P’troulli. Which is my favourite game, but also the worst game to be in the mood for because:  
> 1\. It’s the worst game.  
> 2\. No one wants to play it, because it’s the worst game.
> 
> So instead of playing it, I wrote a fanfic about it.
> 
> Actually, I had to play a round with myself for the sake of this work, so it’s a surprise to me that Kanaya won.  
> ... Well, I mean I kind of guided it in the end there, but Kanaya’s an observant troll, so I thought it made sense.
> 
> ~~If you guys want to see Kanaya’s new P’troulli rule, let me know and I’ll write a second part!~~
> 
> Chapter two is finished! I just have to wait on my Beta Reader to finish on her end, then I'll upload the final installment!


End file.
